Choosing a Church Home: Balancing Family, Faith, and Ministry

As I think about my journey in ministry and my current involvement in the church, I find myself navigating a complex but meaningful path. Balancing my commitment to my denomination, my desire to serve in ministry, and my responsibility as a parent has led me to make some difficult choices. I want to share a bit about where I am now, why I’ve made these choices, and how my faith and family remain at the center of everything I do.

Currently, my family and I attend a United Methodist Church. Despite the significant disruptions within the UMC in recent years, this congregation has remained largely unscathed due to its long-standing commitment to the LGBT+ affirming side of the theological divide. Importantly, this church is gospel-centered, outward-focused, and open to innovation in how it shares its message and serves the community. I've even invited friends and family to attend, and my wife has brought along a co-worker. The pastoral leaders and ministry team here are humble, dedicated, and passionate. It's a very solid church.

We found this church just as the church start I was leading was closing. In fact, our first Sunday here was the day after the final gathering of our church plant. Naturally, I was emotionally raw, but I made a commitment to myself and my family to stay connected to the church community and not let my pain, frustration, or grief keep me from gathering with Christ’s body.

I explored several options, including a non-denominational church that was welcoming and outreach-oriented, but not affirming. I felt too far to the left of them, despite my appreciation for their ministry. Returning to a church within my denomination felt impossible at the time—I wasn’t ready to be seen every Sunday as “the guy who just closed a church start.” Most importantly, I wanted a church with a solid children’s ministry.

At that time, my kids were around 9 and 4 years old, and I didn't want to force them to attend a church that felt old and boring, with no peers their age. My oldest child had already experienced this in my first pastoral setting, where there was neither an opportunity for age-appropriate Bible teaching nor a chance to build peer relationships.

In Mainline Protestantism, at least from my experience, there seems to be a somewhat laissez-faire approach to children's faith formation, a sense of "we'll see if something sticks, and if not, that's fine." Having grown up in fundamentalist Christianity, I know the opposite extreme, where nothing was left to chance. While I don’t want to repeat those same practices with my children, I do recognize my role in being intentional about the beliefs and values I pass along to them.

As my children grow older, I’m realizing that the real challenge of parenting isn't in frustrating bedtimes, dirty diapers, or being woken in the middle of the night; it's in letting them grow up and mature. Having worked as a Mainline pastor, I've seen many adult children and grandchildren of parishioners who are no longer involved in church. It makes me wonder if just a little more intentionality, commitment, and passion from parents or churches could have instilled a deeper value for faith and community in them.

I know there is some disapproval over my primary involvement being outside my denomination of ordination. To clarify, I remain committed to my denomination, but as I’ve said before, I don’t bleed [denominational] red; I bleed the gospel of Jesus Christ. As much as I want to pastor a church or serve in a paid ministry role, my wife wisely pointed out that the best thing I can do to nurture my children's faith is to stay at this church for the foreseeable future.

This decision has not been easy for me. Thankfully, I’ve had the opportunity to preach monthly at a small church nearby, which helps me keep my preaching skills sharp and "scratch the itch," so to speak. Recently, while discussing my kids' baptism with the pastor at my current church, I told him, “I’ve sacrificed ministry career opportunities because I want my kids to be involved and engaged in a church—and I believe this is the best place for that.”

Ultimately, my priority is to live out my faith in a way that honors God, nurtures my family, and stays true to the calling I’ve felt for most of my life. While I may not be in a traditional ministry role right now, I believe that faithfulness can take many forms. For me, in this season, it means investing deeply in my children's spiritual formation and being open to where God leads me next. I trust that this path, though challenging, will bear fruit in ways I may not yet fully understand.