The Misunderstood Secret to Evangelism (Part 2)

What MI-Shaped Evangelism Looks Like (Case Studies)

TL;DR: Here are two real-world examples — one involving polyamory, one involving youth sports — showing how Keller’s “question their answers,” MI’s posture, and Root’s consolational theology converge into a gentle, faithful way of sharing Jesus today.

Case Study 1: The Polyamory Conversation

A few months ago in a church small group, someone shared that a friend in a troubled marriage was considering polyamory as a solution. The friend telling the story was confused and distressed.

Predictably, someone else in the group immediately pushed back — not against the polyamory itself, but against the very idea that we should even consider whether polyamory might be wrong. To them, discerning moral choices at all felt inappropriate or judgmental.

This is the cultural conflict moment Smith and Root describe — no one should ever morally judge another’s actions. But it’s also a moment perfectly suited for MI.

Because beneath the surface of “I’m considering polyamory” could be something like:

“My marriage is a wreck and I don’t know what else to do.”

Here’s how that might play out in a pastoral MI posture:

Friend: “I’m thinking about opening the marriage might help, but honestly… it might make it even more chaotic.”

You: “It sounds like you were hoping this would fix something, but instead you’re feeling even more overwhelmed.”

Friend: “Exactly. I am trying to make the relationship work. I don’t know what else to do.”

You: “What part of this feels hardest right now?”

Friend: “Honestly? Feeling like I’m losing myself. And feeling like nothing’s getting better.”

You: “That’s very brave of you to name that.”

Friend: “So what am I supposed to do? Everyone keeps telling me not to judge myself, to ‘explore what feels right.’ But I feel worse than before.”

At this point, most people are tempted to give advice — sometimes very strong advice. But MI encourages you instead to reflect the obvious inner conflict, Keller-style “questioning their answers”:

You: “So part of you wanted healing… and part of you is realizing this isn’t actually leading toward healing.”

Friend: “…Yeah. That’s it.”

Now the door is open to gentle pastoral guidance — not force, not moralizing, but accompaniment:

You: “Sometimes when we reach this point in life — when our own solutions aren’t working — it can help to consider surrendering the situation to something bigger than ourselves.”

At that point — and only then — comes the gentle pastoral invitation:

• “Have you considered telling God how lost you are and asking God what to do?

• “What do you think the Bible might offer here?”

• “What might Jesus be inviting you toward?”

Not pressure.
Not judgment.
Not moralizing.

Just presence — which is exactly what Root argues is where Jesus meets people.

Even if they respond: “I don’t think a 2,000-year-old book can help.”

You still respond: “I can see why you’d feel that way. No matter what, I’m here with you.”

That’s evangelism as consolation — not control.

Case Study 2: Youth Sports as a Functional Religion

Smith and Root observe that youth sports have become a kind of moral good — essentially a rival religion. As a dad at soccer practice reading theology books, I often overhear parents talk endlessly about busyness, schedules, and what sounds to me like burnout.

And because we don’t want to come across judgy, Smith says pastors are often reduced to saying, “We’ve missed you — hope all is well.”

But pastoring demands something more — and frankly something harder — because as Root notes in his books, we’re pressured to produce results fast. But, what if we resisted that pressure and instead opted for a patient MI approach?

Instead of “Hope all is well,” an MI-shaped approach begins with:
“I’d like to hear how things are.”

If a pastor could get the parent to slow down for a real conversation, nine times out of ten I bet they’d eventually say:

“Wow… I’m just so busy.”

And that’s the moment where an MI-shaped approach gives the pastor something to work with—not a lecture, not judgment, but gentle reflection:

Pastor: “So… you’re saying things are really busy—and I can hear the weariness in your voice as you say that.”

Parent: “Wow, you’re right. I didn’t even realize how tired I sounded.”

Pastor: “It sounds like you’ve been running on empty for a while.”

Parent: “Yeah. I mean, we’re in three sports right now. Practices every night. Tournaments on weekends. I barely know what day it is.”

Pastor: “What part of all this feels most heavy to you right now?”

Parent: “The feeling that we’re doing all this for the kids, but no one’s actually… happy. They’re stressed. I’m stressed. We’re all exhausted.”

Pastor: “It takes courage to admit that. A lot of parents feel the same way but rarely say it.”

Parent: “Yeah… it’s hard to say out loud.”

Pastor: “So part of you wants to give your kids opportunities—and part of you is wondering whether this pace is actually good for any of you.”

Parent: “That’s exactly it.”

Pastor (summary + gentle invitation): “So you love your kids, you want what’s best for them, but something about this rhythm feels off. It sounds like you’re trying to figure out what a healthier life might look like for your family.”

Parent: “…Yeah. I think I am.”

And here comes the pastoral “I wonder…” — gentle, not pushy, MI with a Gospel imagination:

Pastor: “I wonder if some time in worship or prayer — especially as we move into Advent — might give you the clarity and grounding you’ve been craving. Advent’s rhythms and rituals really do create space to reconsider what matters.”

This is where Keller’s “question their answers,” MI’s evocation, and Root’s consolational presence all converge — not pressure, but invitation.

So Why Does This Matter for Evangelism?

Because many Christians — especially in Mainline traditions — feel embarrassed, uncertain, or awkward about sharing Jesus.

But here’s the truth:

If we truly believe the Gospel matters and that Jesus really transforms lives, then we can approach evangelism with patience, relational presence, and deep listening. (And I realize that within Mainline circles, not everyone actually holds this conviction — which, honestly, is part of the problem. If we’re not sure the Gospel is transformative, then evangelism becomes incoherent by definition.)

We don’t have to argue anyone into faith.
We don’t have to win.
We don’t have to pressure.

We simply help people hear themselves, question their answers, and gently offer Jesus as the one who meets them in the tension they’re naming.

It’s Keller’s insight.
It’s MI’s posture.
It’s Root’s consolational evangelism.

And maybe — just maybe — it’s a way forward in a culture exhausted by pressure, individualism, and endless self-invention.