The Sunday Surprise (and the Soccer Practice Misfire)

Part 3 of my series on Evangelism, MI, and Questioning People’s Answers

TL;DR

I invited one friend back to church using gentle “I” statements, and they showed up. I invited another person at my son’s soccer practice way too strongly, and they disappeared. These two moments reminded me that evangelism works best through presence, patience, and trust—not pressure.

Part 3 of my series on Evangelism, MI, and Questioning People’s Answers

If Parts 1 and 2 of this series (see below) explored frameworks—Keller’s idea of “questioning people’s answers” and MI’s posture of curiosity and presence—this installment is simply about the awkwardness of trying to live it out in real life.

And a reminder for context: I’m not pastoring a church right now. I attend as a regular congregant. Which means when I invite somebody to church, it’s not a pastoral duty—it’s just me trying to be a normal Christian who believes church matters.

The Invitation I Thought I Messed Up (But Apparently Didn’t)

A friend of mine hadn’t been to church in a while. Life had piled up, and church quietly slipped into the background. Something kept nudging me to reach out, but I didn’t want it to sound like:

• “You should really come back…”

• “You need this…”

• “Your life will improve if you…”

So I used “I” statements instead:

• “I’ve missed seeing you there.”

• “I’m obviously biased towards church.”

• “I really think church matters.”

All “I statements.” All relationship-based. No pressure.

The friend even commented on some of the things they didn’t like about church.

“I hear you,” I said.

Honestly? I thought I bungled the conversation. I even said something like, “I hope I’m not coming on too strong—I don’t want this to feel weird.” Smooth.

But then guess who I saw the next Sunday?

My friend.

Not because I had the perfect words.
Not because I argued them into it.
Not because I solved their spiritual ambivalence.

I’d like to think they showed up because a gentle, relational, honest invitation nudged something that was already inside them.

That’s MI.
And it’s evangelism—not as selling, but as presence.

And Then… the Invitation I Absolutely Botched

Now for the opposite story.

I was at my son’s soccer practice, reading Jonathan Haidt’s book. A woman noticed it and we chatted. I told her I was reading it for my daughter’s school group and said, “You can have it when I finish it next week!”

Totally normal interaction.

Except the next week, I forgot the book.

And instead of just apologizing, her husband approached me and asked about it—and suddenly I transformed into an overeager Christian:

• I asked for his number.

• I texted him a Substack post I’d written about the book.

• And THEN I added:
  “Just a heads up—it gets kind of religious at the end. But hey, we’re in a church gym, so that’s probably okay.”

Reader—understand this—it was not okay.

I haven’t seen them since.

I blew the moment by:

• coming on too strong

• moving faster than the relationship allowed

• assuming openness that wasn’t there

• forgetting the book entirely

• and trying to give away yet another book that is now sitting abandoned in my car

This is evangelism when enthusiasm outruns trust.
It’s also a good reminder that “too much too fast” rarely bears fruit.

What These Two Moments Teach Me

1. Presence > persuasion.

2. “I” statements land better than “you” statements.

3. Relational trust builds slow—don’t sprint ahead of it.

Andrew Root is right: evangelism shaped by consolation is not about controlling an outcome. It’s about being with someone in ways that leave room for the Spirit to move.

Sometimes that movement looks like a friend showing up on Sunday.
Sometimes it looks like learning to leave a soccer-practice couple alone.
Sometimes it looks like letting a book sit in your car until the right moment actually comes.